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God Works in Mysterious Ways

Posted on Jun 19, 2011 by Trevor in Religion

I recently attended a conference in Salt Lake City about exploring Mormon identity (see video footage here, or a news write-up here, or another attendee’s perspective here). My main motive for attending is that I’m a big fan of anything Joanna Brooks or Carol Lynn Pearson have done, not to mention that some of my friends were the ones who put the conference together in the first place. I didn’t have a very clear idea of what to expect, but in addition to the two aforementioned speakers, there was a panel discussion on “Navigating an Open Approach to Mormonism”. Sounds interesting.

Well, it turns out that the conference wasn’t exactly what I thought it would be (although that’s perhaps illogical given that I didn’t know what to expect…), but it was still a very valuable experience to me. I enjoyed Brooks’s and Pearson’s talks, but the highlight for me was the unexpectedly spiritual “testimony” meeting. (Yes, the quotes around the word “testimony” are deliberate, and the conference program even listed it that way.) I knew in advance that the conference would be largely attended by non-traditional Mormons (“gays and lesbians, fundamentalists and feminists, intellectuals, deists, atheists and true believers”, as the organizers put it), and so any sort of testimony meeting with that crowd is bound to be interesting.

There’s something disarmingly touching about hearing someone say from a pulpit sentiments similar to, “I am an atheist, but I can bear testimony of the goodness of the Mormon community.” Or “I’m not sure of what I really believe, but in your eyes I see love and a refreshing hope for happiness.” Or how about a single mother who’d been excommunicated but persevered in bringing her daughters to church so they could absorb the good in what was taught there. These were simple, bare, and raw expressions of hope, joy, love, belonging, and longing, and they were profoundly spiritual to me.

I am used to unspectacular fast and testimony meetings on Sundays. Although I’ll readily roll my eyes at a canned, overwrought performances that seems devoid of sincerity, I want to be sure to emphasize that I’m not necessarily blaming this on the people in my wards, past or current. Meetings that others have trumpeted as deeply spiritual have often fallen flat for me personally, and so I’ve just wondered if I simply don’t have the knack for spiritual things that others have.

This “testimony” meeting at a conference of Mormon misfits, however, drove a spirit into me that’s so remarkable it surpasses anything I’ve felt for at least a couple of years. I’ve been thinking about it over and over again, trying to parse what I felt and why. Many of the testimonies contained antics (one good brother whipped out a camera and held it out at arm’s length to snap a photo of himself with the audience below in the background, and another factitiously bore testimony that The Book of Mormon Musical was true), and those who shared their feelings pretty much shied away from making truth claims (e.g. I know that God lives, I believe President Monson is a prophet). While there were those in attendance that could’ve shared a more traditional testimony, we tacitly yielded the floor to those who’d been unable or perhaps unwelcome to share theirs in a Sacrament Meeting setting.

Perhaps a big reason for this unanticipated magic is that, with regard to their religion, so many of these brothers and sisters had been to hell and back (ok, maybe not back to their original position). Or that they had engaged with the dark abyss of nihilism and battled the monster lurking in its depths, only to emerge a survivor, albeit a changed one. Whatever it was, it filled my soul in a way that I haven’t experienced in many years. I am reminded of a scripture passage from the New Testament: “the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23). Those feelings abounded during this gathering, although not in the way I was used to experiencing them in a religious setting. I’m grateful to have been a part of this special gathering of saints.

Note: for another perspective on a similar event, I highly recommend checking out this write-up.

Tags: testimony