Expectations Going into Parenthood
Posted on Jul 19, 2012 by Trevor in Being Dad
I encountered this amusing comic [profanity warning] at The Oatmeal. “Yeah, being a parent will be a challenge, but it’ll be more rewarding than challenging,” the naive dad-to-be says to himself. “Heh, just you wait and see…” comes the smirk from been-there-done-that parents.
In the business world, we often talk about managing expectations. If the customer expects miracles, and I deliver a great-but-not-life-changing product, the customer will be let down. I think many of life’s experiences can benefit from properly managed expectations—the gap between what I expect and what I get.
For instance, I married later than the average age for the culture here. I was long done with college and had spent a number of years in my profession. Most of my friends had already married, and then the new single friends I picked up went off and got married. In many cases, I still spent lots of time with them as a silent observer of their relationships. When I finally got married myself, I think my more mature perspective on marriage was a huge factor in the very seamless transition I made from bachelorhood to a blissful marriage.
As I stare down the barrel of the gun that is fatherhood, I’m hoping that measured, mature expectations (as I suppose) will also help smooth the ride. I had a friend recently comment that I didn’t seem as full-on excited to become a dad as he himself had felt. I responded, “Well, I’ll be almost 31 years old when my daughter arrives. You were 23. Do you think it’s possible that a difference in expectations is at play?”
I suspect my experiences over the last several years have tempered my enthusiasm for parenthood. I’ve spent a lot of time with nieces and nephews. I’ve had a lot of close friends who’ve had kids that I know fairly well. I certainly have very different expectations about what parenthood will entail today than I had ten years ago. There have been many, many times where something has happened that has absolutely obliterated my joyful anticipation of being a dad someday. However, there have also been many times where something has happened that has made me think, “Wow, being a dad could be so awesome!” (Although in all honesty, I’ve witnessed more of the former than the latter. My friends tell me this ratio continues into actual parenthood. :D)
I feel ready for the challenge of becoming an involved, devoted father (at least, as ready as I could possibly feel towards such a life-changing endeavor). I couldn’t feel more at ease with how I feel my wife will do as a mother. Are we ready? I certainly hope so. The months that have gone by since we found out she was pregnant have been filled with wild speculation, wonderment, some anxiety, some confidence, and a whole lot of crossed fingers. For some reason, I don’t expect those feelings about fatherhood will change until I’m dead.
