Quietly Celebrating the Civil Rights Victory of My Generation
Posted on Dec 20, 2014 by Trevor in Politics, Religion
At least since 2008, when Proposition 8 was storming through California and Mormons were heavily involved in its passage, I felt deeply troubled over my church’s injection into the politics of same-sex marriage. I thought the reasons given for opposing it were flimsy at best, and eventually, I came to firmly believe that nobody should be denied the opportunity to marry and have a family with the person they loved. Walking alongside my family in the 2013 Salt Lake City Gay Pride parade with the Mormons Building Bridges group was a spiritual high for me.
Well, gay marriage proponents have lost lots of battles in the subsequent years, but there have also been victories, and most importantly, a steady yet dramatic shift in the nation’s attitude towards marriage equality.
The federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) was struck down last summer (ruled unconstitutional), and my social media feeds were flooded with a mixture of jubilation and apocalyptic warnings. Some people celebrated the shifting tide as we watched MLK, Jr.’s metaphorical arc of the moral universe “[bend] towards justice.” Others posted links to the Family Proclamation, as if that somehow ended all debate on a political matter. And still others wrung their hands at the tension they felt between their religious views and their feelings towards their loved ones.
I haven’t been able to fully understand the religious crusade against gay marriage, given how little it actually affects straight people and how minuscule a part of the Christian life I’d expect it to be, given the abundance of other “Biblical sins” that go absolutely unchallenged. As a Mormon, I’m deeply concerned about the divisive nature of our rhetoric on homosexuality, and especially our political involvement. Our direct political engagements seemed to have waned since 2008, but still, this train to which I’ve hitched my car sometimes veers in directions that violate my conscience. Those tensions with my faith community notwithstanding, I must follow what I feel is best for me, my family, and my gay brothers and sisters.
One year ago, December 20, 2013, like a thief in the night, our District Court suddenly ruled Utah’s ban on gay marriage unconstitutional. Once again, my social media feeds flooded with news. This time, however, the reactions were almost exclusively ebullient.
I myself felt ecstatic when I heard the news. I wanted to go out and make merry with a crowd somehow. This was a historic moment that deserved a worthy celebration! Alas, that just wasn’t in the cards. I still kick myself for not traveling down to Salt Lake City that day. My own observance would be quite muted.
An acquaintance of mine got married. I clicked “Like” on his newly updated status.
Many of my like-minded friends changed their profile photos on Facebook. My own photo, facetiously set to an image of Gob from Arrested Development, rolling along in his Segway, needed to be changed. That day, in observance of the great news, Gob was now watermarked with the image of marriage equality.
My wife and I sent texts back and forth celebrating the news as more and more counties started issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples or as the courts rejected motions for stays.
We talked about the past, when women couldn’t vote, when people were bought and sold as property, when the wisdom and heart of human morality was more underdeveloped than it is today. What lessons have we learned? Have we sufficiently recognized and appreciated the further light and knowledge that has been shed upon us? Are we ready for more?
We talked about the future, when gay marriage would no longer be controversial or banned, when gay youth had positive role models and heroes. I am so grateful to be married to someone who shares my values in this regard.
But this excitement! It felt like a tempest in a teapot!
LDS journalist McKay Coppins tweeted:
I’m friends with a lot of Utah Mormons on Facebook, and I’m seeing virtually zero negative reaction to today’s marriage news.
— McKay Coppins (@mckaycoppins) December 21, 2013
That next Sunday at church, I felt I couldn’t say anything to the kids I taught in my Sunday School class. Nobody brought the subject up at numerous family gatherings. Was anybody here even they thinking about it at all? This seemed to be a historical shift in the politico-religious dynamics of our state, yet nobody was talking about it!
Maybe most the younger crowd isn’t sure what to think yet.
Some, however, have been pretty clear on their feelings. One friend wrote me about how “extremely angry” he was, how his “respect for law in America [was] torn to shreds”, and how he was being “extremely negatively impacted” by the new limit on his rights. This single court ruling (“judicial malpractice of the highest order”), he declared, had done more damage to the soundness of the judiciary than any other action in his lifetime.
Apart from that, I still hear little on the subject from those who oppose same-sex marriage. Perhaps that’s due to my social circles.
I think many Mormons kind of wish it would just go away. Our congregation recently did a “fourth Sunday” combined lesson on the subject of homosexuality, and although it included a number of wince-inducing comments from a variety of participants, the central thrust was that parents should discuss the subject with their families. Apparently the non-discussion is a concern to our local leadership.
In a way, I actually agree. I think we’re missing out on a very important conversation as families and neighbors. I’ve spent the past several years (especially this last year, now that so much has changed!) hungering for substantive, meaningful discussion on the issue with my family and close friends. The only ones who seem willing to bring it up, however, are those that already share my views, or those whose opinions are so embarrassingly underdeveloped and naive that they’d be better off not talking about it. I hear little from those who are well-read and thoughtful on the matter and yet believe it to be a step in the wrong direction. Regardless of one’s views, if you can be civil, open-minded, and kind, I think you should come to the table and have a discussion. But no. There is little discussion.
I fear this moment will slowly disappear into the past, as the shifting sands of politics and religion and faded memories bury it. Future generations will ask us about the civil rights movement of our day, and what will we tell them? Will we remember it? Will we learn from it? Will we be able to instill in them these valuable lessons so they aren’t doomed to repeat our generation’s mistakes?
So here I stand with my little family, in the middle of history that’s difficult to discern without the benefit of hindsight–myself, my amazing wife, and my sprightly little daughter, quietly celebrating the civil rights victory of our generation.
